How Boundaries Set Me Free

By Christina Cappelli

How can I describe my spiritual experience? What words can I use to paint the day I found the Creator of all things, and learned that He was waiting to walk with me?

How can I describe my life as it is now, blessed with intention and purpose, and in my next breath describe how I walked away from it?

It wasn’t that I ever stopped believing in a higher power, I have always felt connected to something outside of myself. I gave up investing in God and in the spiritual side of myself because I wanted to be free. I was under the impression that freedom could be found if boundaries were ignored. Boundaries had defined my life and all I wanted to do was jump over the edge, feel the wind in my hair, sand between my toes, drink a beer, kiss a boy, and experience freedom.

I was a 17-year-old young woman with a store room full of unreleased emotions, so I turned away from the Christian life I knew and towards my own solution: to let out all of those unaddressed feelings. They released like explosions sent out to everyone, mostly via text message. I decided to go about life as if hearts were designed to be worn on sleeves, and people were to be trusted implicitly with them.

It took about two years for me to go to the other extreme — to turn off my emotions altogether. I became a rebel without thought or feeling besides the pursuit of instant gratification. A total of four years passed, four unhappy, purposeless and unfulfilled years. I’m sorry for anyone who knew me then and doesn’t know me now.

My turning point came after hearing some bad news from home. I was somewhere far away at the time and there was nothing I could do, so I prayed. It was the first time I really let myself hear what God had to say. He answered my prayer so specifically that I was struck with a reality that I could no longer ignore. I walked away from that encounter knowing that God was there and that He hears me.

A better life was waiting, but for a time I continued to cling to the anger and dead investments that had shaped the last few years.

I believed firmly that the boundaries of a Christ-centered life were suffocating; however, the only real constriction that ever truly bound me was at my own hand. I once heard this realization described using a soccer game. Say all the players are on the field, but there are no obvious goals, no one has any defined positions, there’s no referee and even the field boundary isn’t specified; it’s all players for themselves. Every person ends up bruised and bloodied, no points are scored because there are no definitive goals, but everyone still goes after the ball anyway resulting in chaos and injury. Is the game not better off with boundary lines, a referee, goals and defined roles for the players?

I had to learn that boundaries can be freeing. That the one who sets the guidelines does so for my benefit, for my protection. I no longer have to put my hand in the fire to learn that it will burn; God knows a better way. It’s not a walk in the park, sometimes life is harder this way, but life was hard and painful the other way, too.

I thought I was rebelling when I traded Sunday youth group for parties and alcohol, but in the words of singer Alice Cooper, “Sex, drugs and rock ‘n’ roll is easy. True Christianity…that’s rebellion.” I know that I’ve hardly begun to scratch the surface of my spirituality and what that even means, but I’ve found the better way, so now, I’m going to let it grow.

Christina Marie Cappelli graduated from the University of Colorado Boulder in 2014, and moved back to her hometown of Glenwood Springs, Colo. and opened Pride Rock Kennels (Priderockkennels.com) in neighboring Rifle, Colo. Christina spends her days hiking and playing with her doggie tenants at the base of the Hogback mountains. She is involved in community theater and occasionally spends time as a substitute teacher for local schools. She is continuously blessed by her Church community and family, and is excited for whatever the future holds.